Since I won’t be writing Sunday, I thought I’d dedicate a blog just to the Mothers. First and foremost I guess I should thank my mom… ;). Who better be reading this!
To my Mother: Thank you for being the strong hand and heart and the person whose always been such a strong influence and role model. I know you have cried tears of joy, anger, worry, despair, and pride on my behalf and I’m sorry and also glad some could be happy tears. As you always told me I would never understand the feelings of a mother until I became one. To you- my kind, beautiful, strong and elegant mother you have my upmost respect and heart. I am so thankful and honored that I am your daughter, that I’ve had the privilege of sharing stories and laughter with you most of the years. I was never afraid to go to you about anything and you have become my very best friend. I look back now and see exactly what you were doing when I would be ranting and you would just comment on how beautiful the mountains were, when you would pull the car over the side of the road and make us get out and dance, and when you were discouraged for me you never let it show. It took much courage to raise me and I don’t even know if I’ve put that lightly. You were able to let me go when I’m sure more than anything you wanted to tie me up and toss me in the basement. You’ve watched as I’ve made numerous “not so great” decisions and you’ve never berated me for that or made me feel like I was less of a person in that moment. You’ve only encouraged my strong will, beauty from within, kindness and determination that I carry….you’ve never made it seem like a bad thing even when I was convinced it was. All my faults you’ve tamed and all my gifts you only made them appear brighter and guided me on how to use them. You often tell me how amazed you are of where I am with myself and in my life for my age and I have to tell you that I didn’t do this on my own. I thank you from the very depth of my being. I look forward to sitting on the porch with you when you’re 90 and I’m 60 having a glass of tea, watching the sun, listening to our wisdom then pass, and us appreciating the beauty of the world.
My life changed when I saw the positive on the pregnancy test. I had always felt a little like something was missing….after the birth of my two daughters I have to say I feel complete. They were both the best birthday gifts I could’ve asked for (found out preg. with both at that time). I understood within the first trimester what the heck REAL worry was all about. It was terrifying and still terrifies now. When I went in at 33 weeks because I felt strange with my first daughter-who was ready to be born I certainly couldn’t comprehend even then what it would do to me. I still remember almost every detail about that day….the nurse came to finally check me before they were to send me home, she paused looked at me and said “you’re going to have this baby in 30 minutes.” Uh, excuse me? Well, an emergency C-section and probably 30 minutes later I still had no clue the love and strength that I already held for my daughter. I didn’t get to hold her right away, it was not an ideal first child situation….but it was WONDERFUL. I saw her and welcomed her to the world, telling her that her journey had only just begun. A tiger of a mother tore through me and I proved in the 3 weeks in the hospital that I would kill you for my child and her needs. I went from being a tad unsure of how to deal with people or anyone to someone that has no doubts now. The world could have ended the moment I first held her and our eyes locked and I wouldn’t have noticed. She became my heart. She was a wonderful growing tool for me and still is. She helps me try to relax because she’s sadly so much like her mother and gets a little excited about the “little stuff”.
My second daughter came and I didn’t think there was room in my heart. Terrified and worried again. She was born and it was all easy breezy, we went home the next day (C-section and all). A heart that I was concerned wouldn’t have enough room she melted and only reconstructed larger. She helps me laugh at the “little things” with her and has helped me learn to loosen up and enjoy the ride.
They both are the light of my eyes, my heart and soul. I have NEVER entered a more challenging role than I have when I became a mother. I’m so very thankful and blessed with my beautiful, loving, kind and very precocious/special girls. Even though this is the most challenging role…I’ve never been one to back down, I only try to figure out how to become better and I’m hoping that will happen with time and patience.
Tears are rolling down in gratitude alone that I can be one of the most influential and important person to my daughters. To all you Mothers….it’s hard at times, glorious at times, funny at times, best/worst of times. Just keep hanging on for the ride and enjoy!
Happy Mothers Day!